One Year Ago

It's been a little shy of a year since I wrote in this blog.  I've stopped back many times but my emotions so raw during this time that I could not type a single word to screen.  It's been a year ago today that my niece June journeyed home to heaven, the emotions still not far below the surface.  My thoughts are with my sister and her husband today.  They are expecting another little girl December of this year, the excitement tempered with memory.  June spent a short time here and brought such Joy.  So as my heart reaches out to my sister on this difficult day, I thank God above for the gift he gave our family. 

In His Arms

Heaven IS brighter now that she is there, her life proof that miracles happen everyday, how blessed we are to be a witness.

I have faith that the pain we feel today, God will use to mold us for a bigger purpose; to help us grow closer to him.

We miss you, our little miracle that wasn't suppose to be.

You were always in Gods hands
And now you are in his arms.

Heaven's A Little Brighter

Heaven's a little brighter today, as our Princess June bug made her way home last night. One hundred and four days we were blessed with this little angel on loan. One hundred and four days of living proof that we are not alone in this world. Miracles do happen everyday.

I know there are skeptics, and that's okay. People ask if there is a God why would he do this to his children to the smallest of his children, why the suffering? I just don't understand they say. Faith is all I can say. Faith that God molds us through our trials and struggles, for a bigger purpose.

My sister and her husband have done a lifetime of parenting in 3 months, and what amazing parents. Newborns are hard work, June was round the clock care but such attitude and personality rolled up into that long little body. I know their house is silent today without the sound of June's oxygen machine and the silence is probably a dull roar in their minds. My heart aches for their loss, but not their roller coaster ride that they have been living. Nothing will ever be the same, for any of us touched by her presence and that's okay. We are better for knowing her.

Until we meet again, your auntie Jane misses you.

Each Breath

I'm five hours away from my sister and her family.  Five hours from my precious niece.  I sit here trying to praise him in the storm, to remember Gods plan, to be in awe of the miracles performed.

June is two months and 10 days old.  Two months, 10 days older than the doctors expected her to be.  She has been a joy, a miracle and brought a renewed faith to many.  Today she is struggling, her breathing labored, her cry quieter but her life just as bright.

I pray that we rejoice in Gods will, knowing that struggles make us more Christ like, that the pain of today transforms us into who he created.  And though now we wait sorrow filled and helpless on this earth we will find peace in his arms. 

Miracles in retrospect

It's been a long emotional pregnancy for my sister and her husband. We have prayed endless prayers always reminding ourselves that our idea of a miracle and God's idea of the miracle are often two different things. I can't tell you how many countless prayers for life and death I have made on their behalf. Struggling prayers, struggling to remember that there is a larger purpose a god focused purpose for our lives.

On Wednesday June 1, 2011 my sister gave birth to a miracle; nothing less.

Gathered for what had been 4 months ago, an improbable, impossible happening; live birth. At the end of January my sister went in for a regular ultrasound and a hopeful peak at the sex of the baby. Only to be told that nothing looked "normal" severe anomalies will not survive to term and by the way it's a girl. Many appointments followed including one that asked the question of pregnancy termination. So we all waited at the scheduled C section for a child who shouldn't have made it this far, a child whose heartbeat normal but malformed beat strongly, I dear say beat defiantly against the odds. We waited, pastor, prayer group, expectant grandparents, and myself to support the new parents whose precious child may not live long, possiblely just minutes.

The social worker had asked if they would like specialty pictures taken, their are professional photographers who donate their time to take photos of children who pass away soon after birth. My sister had told me they were having this done. So as the scheduled time of birth comes and goes without word from dad, everyone is on edge, as always with us Christians wanting the best outcome, praying for God's will to be done even if it wasn't truly what we hoped for. On edge as I watch a man with professional camera equipment come into the waiting room. My heart sunk, tears welled in my eyes, even now as I write this the tears well up, out comes the social worker (title on her lab coat) and has a hushed conversation with the photographer. I buckled down my emotions, I'm there for support not to have an emotiomal breakdown. They leave back to the delivery wing. The photographer comes back out and sits down, followed shortly by my sisters husband, his face bright with joy, lord could it be, please, please.

9lbs 12 ounces 22 inches long! June Elizabeth, breathing on her own. Prayers to God, they get to hold a live child a daughter beautiful in such a way a miracle is beautiful.

So this is the miracle, birth impossible. There are many, many things wrong, blessings and heartache at the same time, but yet one can't help to be in awe of our fathers power, and trusting in him to reveal his plan when we are ready.

Today June is 5 days old, each breath a miracle, each movement a milestone.

Dear God give my sister and her husband the strength to do what is good in your eyes, make their path a clear one, and thank you for the miracle.

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Miracles

I want to be a witness, I want to know, not just believe. I'm on my knees reaching to heaven please Lord hear my prayer a miracle prayer. A prayer for my sisters unborn baby girl June Elizabeth. Please take away the abnormalities, take away trisomy 13 or whatever chromosome the doctors say is incompatible with life. Let her please god hold the babe if even just for a moment if that be the miracle that you choose.

Any who happen upon here please pray.

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Anticipation

Waiting has never been my strongest attribute. I'm excited to see him come on Friday!